- How were your injured?
- How do you deal with your difficult situations?
While these are all popular questions people disabilities hear, none of these are more popular than the question most of us get the most -- can you still have sex?
Yes that's right, the masses love to wonder this.
And the answer to this tantalizing question- we can, thank god but it's usually a bit different. But different doesn't necessarily equate to bad. Even though some people get freaked out by different, a lot of people don't. The average able-bodied person would definitely be surprised at how many people are ok getting it on with someone who is disabled.
It can be quite the interesting adventure when dating and meeting new people. It can get quite funny or offensive, depending on how you look at it. When I first became sexually active it was a bit later in life and just like everybody's first time, it wasn't that good. Memorable yes, but good? Hell no.
For people with disabilities, we too dream of the perfect sexual rendezvous, trying to replicate something we saw in a porno, just like everyone else. It just takes a bit more muscle power and creative thinking when you're dealing with limited mobility to make that happen.
For a lot of us, achieving great sex isn't necessarily about reaching the big orgasm either. It's about everything before that - the intimacy, the kissing, the looks into each others eyes - we have to learn to be a little bit slower and more calculated since our mobility isn't as fluid. While this can sometimes put a damper on eager partners, the right one will enjoy the process. It's incredibly important to find a partner who enjoys learning and figuring out solutions when you have a disability. A partner with no patience is no fun.
People with disabilities even go online for the random hookup. I'm not condoning this, but it does happen. Most would be very surprised at how many people with disabilities are posting ads on Craigslist at this very moment and it's not because we are all desperate. Many people with disabilities have great success picking up people when they're at bars or out and about. I've seen it with my own eyes.
We're successful when we're confident. It's normal for people with disabilities to have lowered confidence, but once we find out we can still be perceived as sexy, for many that's all we need to find the confidence we were searching for. It's important for people with disabilities though to try not to compete with able-bodied people when it comes to all the crazy sexual moves. For many of us, complicated positions will never be possible. We instead have to find ways to bring out the best in the simpler moves, to enjoy it more simpler things in bed and this can be quite fun too.
We're all human at the end of the day, with hormones and genitals, and lips and fantasies. Sex is a God given right to all of us, even if some of us struggle to find partners. We can't put our desires on hold if it makes people uncomfortable. Instead, each and every one of us needs to learn how to embrace our sexuality before it's too late. Sex is one of the greatest gifts of life no matter how different we do it.
How do you still enjoy sex?