Don't Count Us Out: People with Disabilities Love Sex Too
What's
your disability?
- How do you deal with your
difficult situations?
While these are all popular questions people
disabilities hear, none of these are more popular than the question most
of us get the most --
can you still have sex?
Yes that's right, the
masses love to wonder this.
And the answer to this tantalizing
question- we can, thank god but it's usually a bit different. But
different doesn't necessarily equate to bad. Even though some people get
freaked out by different, a lot of people don't. The average
able-bodied person would definitely be surprised at how many people are
ok getting it on with someone who is disabled.
It
can be quite the interesting adventure when dating and meeting new
people. It can get quite funny or offensive, depending on how you look
at it. When I first became sexually active it was a bit later in life
and just like everybody's first time, it wasn't that good. Memorable
yes, but good? Hell no.
For people with disabilities, we too dream
of the perfect sexual rendezvous, trying to replicate something we saw
in a porno, just like everyone else. It just takes a bit more muscle
power and creative thinking when you're dealing with limited mobility to
make that happen.
For a lot of us, achieving great sex isn't
necessarily about reaching the big orgasm either. It's about everything
before that - the intimacy, the kissing, the looks into each others
eyes - we have to learn to be a little bit slower and more calculated
since our mobility isn't as fluid. While this can sometimes put a
damper on eager partners, the right one will enjoy the process. It's
incredibly important to find a partner who enjoys learning and figuring
out solutions when you have a disability. A partner with no patience is
no fun.
People
with disabilities even go online for the random hookup. I'm not
condoning this, but it does happen. Most would be very surprised at how
many people with disabilities are posting ads on Craigslist at this very
moment and it's not because we are all desperate. Many people with
disabilities have great success picking up people when they're at bars
or out and about. I've seen it with my own eyes.
We're successful
when we're confident. It's normal for people with disabilities to have
lowered confidence, but once we find out we can still be perceived as
sexy, for many that's all we need to find the confidence we were
searching for. It's important for people with disabilities though to try not
to compete with able-bodied people when it comes to all the crazy
sexual moves. For many of us, complicated positions will never be
possible. We instead have to find ways to bring out the best in the
simpler moves, to enjoy it more simpler things in bed and this can be
quite fun too.
We're all human at the end of the day, with
hormones and genitals, and lips and fantasies. Sex is a God given right
to all of us, even if some of us struggle to find partners. We can't
put our desires on hold if it makes people uncomfortable. Instead, each
and every one of us needs to learn how to embrace our sexuality before
it's too late. Sex is one of the greatest gifts of life no matter how
different we do it.
How do you still enjoy sex?
by
Tiffiny Carlson
Tiffiny Carlson is a writer and
quadriplegic from Minneapolis. She has a C6 spinal cord injury from a
diving accident when she was 14 years old. Writing and breaking
stereotypes is her passion.
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